When exactly do birthdays morph from being the happiest day of your life to the day of fear and loathing? I haven't quite figured it out but I'm pretty sure it was around my 30th birthday. Birthdays have, up to that general point, have been happy. I don't know what prompted the change but now I actually dislike my birthday. They're full of disappointment and failed expectations. They're full of mortality and 'have not's."

Of course, I'm not as emo as all; I'm happy to be here, happy to have decent health, happiness, loving children, wonderful husband... but dammit. I'm another year older. "Over the hill." haha. It's not fucking funny. I don't believe it ever was, and I sincerely apologize to all who I've ever uttered that despicable phrase.

And on the subject of presents: At some point it turned from beautifully wrapped presents thought ahead of time while surrounded by loving family and friends, to a gift bagged present still thought of ahead of time (even if it was the day of) and where do you want to go out to eat, to a gift card and now... to an email, a phone call, and "Hey what do you want for your birthday?"

Fuck you, birthday.