Tonight I think I'll walk alone;  I'll find my soul as I go home...




It's finally 70 degrees down here in the south and I feel like I'm going to explode.

I've been lounging around outside, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, basking and stretching in the sun. I managed to score big at a local thrift store and bought egg shaped sidewalk chalk that the half pint and quarter pint are already fighting over. It's been a pretty cool day.

The Bradford Pears (the stinky trees) have buds, just... waiting. The Japanese Crepe-myrtles are right behind them.. again, just waiting. Everything is holding it's breath waiting for the okay from Mama Nature to just bust out the party for the year.

I know we have another cold snap coming before we can really see the change of  season but today was just... pretty cool.

It doesn't come easy though, saying that.

I've somehow been conditioned to think if I talk about how beautiful the day is, or how wonderful things are, something will happen. Proverbial shoes will drop. Terrible things will happen to me or my family. Phone calls will be made and lives will be ruined. I can't say, "It's been a fanfuckingtastic day" anymore. It's not the best day evarrr anymore.

I wish I could pinpoint when I decided that I wasn't allowed.





...Each way I turn, I know I'll always try
To break this circle that's been placed around me
From time to time, I find I've lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe


Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.
~temptation/NewOrder